Tips for Parents: How to Have a Successful, Smooth & Enjoyable Photoshoot With Your Kids

Hi everyone,

Today I wanted to take some time to write about some tips that I have discovered throughout my experience as a family photographer. These are some of the things that seem to be the most helpful when doing a family photoshoot with your kids. I decided to write this because I have found that parents play a very significant role in the success of the photoshoot because they really determine the overall mood and flow of the shoot.

Here are some of those top tips for parents:

1. Stay Calm

This is probably the number one tip I can give. I find that when parents are calm the kids are much more likely to be calm. Ironically, sometimes the parents end up not being calm because their kids are not calm (acting out, throwing a tantrum, refusing to smile etc...), however when the parents lose their calm and get anxious and agitated not only is it ineffective for getting the kids to cooperate but it is actually extremely counterproductive and causes the children to get even more uptight and cranky. When parents are feeling stressed, whether it is because they are nervous about how the shoot will turn out, stressed about the time, or because their kids are in a bad mood, or just simply not cooperating, I encourage the parent to take a deep breath and keep calm. This is because if the parent shows tension, acts agitated or even raises their voice it is almost a guarantee that the child will NOT listen. Not only that but the child will most likely lose complete patience all together and you will end up with nothing or at the very least some very fake smiles.

When I work with parents who are very calm even when their children act out we usually still succeed in getting nice photos. A prime example that comes up very often would be if a child is refusing to pose, rather than forcing them to pose and getting fake smiles, it is much more effective to try and get natural smiles through candid photos even it means not getting that specific pose. Things that help get natural smiles include asking kids about their teachers or friends, having them say funny words, or tell the photographer their favorite color or flavor of ice cream. Additionally, parents doing funny things like throwing a their hat in the air or doing peekaboo or fake sneezing (everyone knows what can crack a smile from their own kids) can be really effective at getting them to all smile and laugh at the same time, way more effective then forcing the kids to smile unnaturally.

2. Don't be so Quick to Bribe

Another one of the biggest mistakes I find that parents make is obsessive bribing throughout the shoot. Sometimes a parent is so anxious to get their kids to smile and behave that they are literally throwing treats at them throughout the shoot or promising them treats as soon as their done the shoot or if they smile for just one more photo. A problem with this is that it is creating the dynamic that the photoshoot is an annoying chore that the child will get rewarded for. It also doesn't really usually get the smiles that we really want; it usually ends us up with forced or fake smiles and/or treats in photos. So what we would want instead of bribery is that the photoshoot be made into an exciting experience. So instead of a parents saying something like "smile for one more picture and I'll give you a treat", a parents can say something like "Shlomo, do you know how to smile? I don't know... hmmm, maybe Shlomo forgot how to smile?" in a calm and joking tone. This is a great way to get Shlomo to smile or laugh a real and genuine smile, and to create a positive association and memory of the photoshoot rather than one of dread and force.

If a parent feels that they want to bribe nonetheless or that nothing else is working and they are desperate, there are different ways of bribing. For example a parents could be tense and say "Shlomo you better smile or no treats for you, only your sister" or a parent could say “Shlomo if you smile nicely it will make mommy so happy and I will want to give you a treat". Don't you hear the difference?

3. Make it Exciting

Parents are the ones to set the tone of the shoot because as we all know children really pick up on the mood of their parents. This means that the children will sense from their parents how the parents view the shoot. If parents make the shoot into an exciting activity the children will be much more likely to view it positively and be cooperative. A parent can say things like "Who's gonna smile at Mommy" or "Who is going to show the photographer their favorite smile!" in an enthusiastic tone. Parents smiling and being enthusiastic is modeling it for their children. Why would a child want to be happy and smile for a stranger when their parents is an anxious mess sulking and tense and agitated that their children are misbehaving?

4. Be more understanding of your kids

I also encourage parents to put themselves in the child’s shoes. Imagine having a long hard day at school, being frustrated at a sibling, being tired and maybe even hungry and now having had to change into clothes that you didn't chose and forced to smile for pictures. This is really out of their comfort zone and for some kids this is really not fun. The least we could do is be compassionate and understanding and certainly not get mad at a child for misbehaving. If we approach a cranky child saying something like "Shlomo, I know it must be so hard and your so hungry, we will get you showered and dinner very soon. Right now let's just take a few more photos and then you can help me make something special with them for Bubbie & Zaidy and they will be so happy! Maybe we can even ask the photographer if you can see some of the photos on her camera after!” A parents can also ask their child what would make the photoshoot more enjoyable for them. Often times children will be more happy and cooperative if they feel like they are being heard and that they have some say in the matter. By asking the child what would make the shoot more enjoyable for them you are letting them feel important and will make them more comfortable to smile and really just be themself.

5. Have Realistic Expectations

Another big mistake that parents sometimes have is that they go into the shoot with completely unrealistic expectations. This is not fair to anyone and has an effect on everyone at the scene. It is not fair to themself, and will set themself up for disappointment no matter what, it is not fair to their kids and will create a situation where no matter what their children do it will not be enough, and it is not fair to the photographer and will impose frustration and unfairness to her during and the shoot and perhaps in the editing process.

So for example, if your kid is more of a wild and hyper child it is not fair to come in expecting them to stand still for an hour taking posed smiling shots . Additionally if you are coming in with a large group especially when there are a lot of kids involved it is not fair to expect the photographer to magically get a perfect photo where everyone looks amazing. A parent will be much happier if they understand this before they come to shoot and they instead go in with the attitude of "we will do the best we can and it will be a pleasant surprise if we do get all the photos on my list".

6. Perfect is the Enemy of Good

Remember that an imperfect picture is better than no picture! Sometimes when we ask for too much we end up with nothing and in photography this is no exception. When we try to get the perfect shot we miss the shot. So when parents try to control too many aspects of their children during their photoshoot most likely the child will walk away and refuse to do anything.

Here is an example of this playing out: a mother really wants Sarah to wear the purple headband for a particular photo, but when the mother tries to force her to change to the purple headband Sarah throws a fit because she wants to wear the white one. The mother gets frustrated and now Sarah refuses to go in any photos and the parent in left with nothing. What would have been a better way to go about it would have been if the parents says “would you mind wearing the purple one for this photo” the child is more likely to go with it but even if she doesn’t she will say “no mommy, I want the white one” and if the mother lets go and says “okay, you look so nice in the white headband also” Sarah will still go to the picture and feel excited about her white headband instead of forced to go in the purple headband and the mother will end up with a beautiful photo of her children even though Sarah will be wearing the white headband and not the purple one. Isn’t that a million times better than if Sarah was wearing the purple headband but crying in the picture or not in the picture all together?

7. Leave More the the Photographer

Lastly, but just as importantly, I encourage parents to let go more and leave more to the photographer. Photographers know what they are doing and literally do this regularly. Family photographers are used to hyper and cranky kids, and they usually have a few tips of their sleeves. From experience, however, it makes it extremely difficult for everyone when parents are ignoring the photographers instructions or tactics and instead bribing or screaming at their children. It is really important for parents and the photographer to work together as a team, so if the photographer is saying something to get the kids to smile, it is not helpful for the parents to talk over her or to ignore what she is saying.

Here is an example: The photographer has posed the children but they are not giving real smiles and Shlomo is purposely covering his face. The photographer sees this and says "it looks like Shlomo makes great silly faces, maybe we should all do one silly face picture before the smiling one" (by doing this Shlomo feels important like he got to chose one of the pictures to take) then after that she may say “great, now everyone lets all say pizza and smile". This is a great tactic for getting both a silly face picture as well as a smiling picture right after.

Now, if while the photographer is doing this the parents are screaming "no ice cream for Shlomo, Shlomo why can't you just smile for one photo...." the child doesn't know who to listen to and it does not only disrespects the photographer it negates the effect of what the photographer is doing. So parents, if you see that they photographer is trying to take charge, please let them, they have experience with this!

I hope that this helps you feel more prepared going into the photoshoot and I looks forward to photographing your family!